Possibilities Infinite

Have I written about this before?

About five years ago, my sister and I were eating ice cream in the shade of the high rises in the Roppongi district of Tokyo. Across the patio, there was another ‘western’ woman drinking coffee alone. She looked like she was in her late 40’s and wore a worn-in, leather moto jacket. She was paging through a travel guide. I don’t know anything else about her but five years later she is persistently on my mind.

The paths I can take at this stage in my life are infinite. I could get married. I could have kids. I could keep my job forever. I could be single forever. I could quit my job and find a similar one. I could quit my job and become a freelancer. I could go back to school. I could buy a house. I could self destruct. I could move to Denver. I could move to Hawaii. I could move to San Fransisco. I could move to Scotland.

And I would be ok with any outcome … but at least every now and then I want to resemble that woman in Roppongi. Maybe happy, maybe intelligent, maybe engaging, and maybe often finds herself in foreign places drinking a late morning coffee and figuring out where next to wander.

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May.

“She quietly expected great things to happen to her, and no doubt that’s one of the reasons why they did.”
Zelda Fitzgerald

Love and Loneliness

I've suspected loneliness is the "human condition" since I was a teenager. To me, it's not a sad or scary thought - it's just a thing that we have as part of our humanness. It might actually be liberating to remind ourselves that feeling lonely is natural and normal. You can't patch that feeling up with a partner or a family or a dream job or social life. You can, at best, only distract yourself from it for a while.

This video by Hannah Jacobs does a great job addressing aloneness ... though I don't agree that being in love is an illusion. You can be lonely and in love at the same time and the one feeling is just as real as the other.

Because we humans are just skin and bones and brains full of contradictions.

Grand Marais and Northward

In spite of all the things-things-things to do at home, it was necessary to slip away for a few days. I was having anxious dreams every night - of being late or being trapped or being chased or of things exploding. I was restless and unfocused. And I owed a visit to a friend who had just moved from California to Grand Marais - which happens to be much closer than California and also one of my favorite places on planet earth.

So I looked at my calendar last week, saw a window, and took it.

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Liz Lemon

I'm glad Liz Lemon was around for my 20's.

“I want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals, but knows to just shut his mouth when I’m watching “Lost.” And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame, and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks as needed – like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms, like a damned Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me. Even when I’m old. And that’s what I want.”

Liz Lemon, 30 Rock - Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter